


Three Weddings and a Funeral

by rosierey



Category: Mission: Impossible (Movies)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hair Kink, M/M, Marriage, Oral Sex, POV Alternating, Pining, Slow Burn, Slow Dancing, Weddings, a loT of fluFF thOUGH, a slow dance for every wedding, seriously these boys, the imf is one big family okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2018-10-25
Packaged: 2019-08-03 03:50:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16318595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosierey/pseuds/rosierey
Summary: Ethan and Benji attend three weddingsand a funeral.





	1. Linger

**Author's Note:**

> this in no way relates to the film 'Four Weddings and a Funeral' other than me using the title as inspiration for this idea!

"Benji! Hey, Benji!"

He heard his name over the music before he saw who called it. The room was crowded with people and the hum of conversation beneath the bass of the speakers made it impossible to hear properly without shouting. Everyone was on that right side of drunk where it was all laughs and smiles, and overly friendly hugs that Benji didn't like. But it was nice to see his friends so happy and carefree. 

He had been pretending to listen to the conversation between three guests he stood with- sipping on his pint and nodding but actually watching the dance floor to his right.

Through the enthusiastically bopping crowd (most of whom, Benji was certain, would look at the wedding photos on Facebook tomorrow and cringe) he could see Zhen and Declan swaying together. They were laughing at something, a joke just between themselves. Both of them looked gorgeous; Zhen's dress simple chiffon and practical. Declan's suit black with a green bow and cummerbund.

Then his name was called.

He turned around, standing on tip-toes to peer over the guests. The pink strobes made it hard to see well but he spotted Ethan a few feet away, waving at him. With a polite 'excuse me' he ducked into the fray and made his way to Ethan's side, grabbing his arm to alert him to his presence. 

"Thank God! I needed an excuse to leave!" Benji called.

Ethan grinned at him, "thought you looked like you need to escape."

Benji grinned back, feeling a little light from the larger. He and Ethan wear dressed in matching Usher three-piece suits; grey with green ties to match the groom. Ethan and long since lost his though, buttons open at the throat and revealing the hollow Benji often gazed at. Benji himself had take off the blazer and was in the vest, shirt sleeves rolled up to the elbows. 

They stood side by side watching the dance floor, shoulders pressed together.

"Where did Luther go?" Benji asked- Luther was the Best Man and had disappeared at the beginning of the night seeking refreshments.

"He was off charming a bridesmaid, last I saw," Ethan replied, leaning in a little more so Benji could hear him. Benji laughed and rolled his eyes. 

For a while they stood there, listening to the DJ announce cliche lines on the mic, and greeting people who said hello as they passed. Benji could see some bridesmaid's at their table whispering and looking over. He glanced at Ethan and of course the man was clueless to the attention. He couldn't blame the women, he looked gorgeous in this suit and there was something about his hair Benji loved. 

Quickly he took a swig of his pint to distract himself. Weddings made him sentimental and melancholy, and his unrequited crush on Ethan was fueled by both. His head and heart knew it wasn't just a crush; he was utterly in love with the fool. But he had to protect himself and pretend. He was good at pretending. 

"Excuse me?" He looked up from his pint at the bridesmaid standing in front of him. She was a little shorter than him with wavy blonde hair and bright eyes. She smiled at him shyly. 

"Uh, yes?" He said dumbly.

She offered a manicured hand, "do you want to dance?"

"Me?" Benji pointed at himself, almost spilling his pint. She laughed, hair bouncing around her face.

"Yes! Unless you're busy?" She looked at Ethan who smiled at Benji encouragingly. He felt a little helpless as the woman took his hand and tugged.

"Go ahead," Ethan said, taking the pint out of his hand. 

A little disappointed, he let the girl drag him onto the dance floor where she threw her arms around his neck. He put his hands on her waist but kept glancing over at Ethan.

Another bridesmaid was talking to him, leaning close flirtatiously. Ethan smiled politely and said something and they walked onto the dance floor too. Ethan took her in arms confidently and Benji had to look away as their bodies drew close. Jealousy was an ugly shade he wore too much around Ethan. 

"How drunk are you?" The bridesmaid asked humorously. "You seem a little out of it!"

"No I- Sorry, just distracted. Wedding blues and all that," Benji lied quickly.

"Oh I know right! Half the girls have already cried in the bathroom twice," she replied, leaning in conspiratorially. Benji smelled her perfume, fresh and flowery. She kept talking but Benji couldn't hear her, too distracted. Then the music changed and she cried, "oh I love this song!" 

It was something slow and far too romantic but Benji was locked in and knew he couldn't escape her embrace. So he pulled her a little closer and she leaned her head on his shoulder as they swayed around. As they turned Benji saw Ethan a few feet away, mirroring Benji's hold. He was looking at Benji too, an unreadable expression on his face. Under the pink glow it looked... almost sad. But then he smiled at him and Benji felt his whole body light up.

When the song ended the bridesmaid pulled away and said she was going outside for a cigarette.

"But I'll be back for another dance!"

Benji laughed, "alright!" And watched her run- or more like totter in those heels- toward the exit. A hand touched his back and Ethan appeared beside him.

"Apparently Natalie is throwing up in the bathroom so Lisa went to help," he said.

"Who's Natalie?" Benji asked.

"I have no idea," Ethan admitted and they both laughed. "So do you wanna dance?"

Benji looked at him, "w-what?" Ethan was smiling, like he expected that response. Benji realised Ethan's hand was still on his back.

"Dance? Benji, it's not that bad," Ethan said, turning Benji to face him. He slide his hands to Benji's waist. "Just follow my lead."

"I know how to dance," Benji grumbled, blushing. 

"Are you sure? Because your hands say otherwise," Ethan replied, looking pointedly at Benji's limp arms at his side. He quickly lifted them to Ethan's shoulders, refusing to acknowledge Ethan's amused gaze. As the song went on Benji relaxed, realising this was what he'd always wanted so why was he being a baby about it.

He moved forward a little, so his hands could join behind Ethan's head. His heart skipped a beat as Ethan's own hand's slide further around his waist, bringing him closer. They settled at the small of his back.

Benji wanted to speak, to dispel the tension but he found no words. Ethan's hair brushed against Benji's cheek and he sighed.

"What?" Ethan asked, bobbing his head to look at him curiously.

Benji shook his head, "nothing I, um, I like your hair have you done something to it?" 

"I got it cut. Zhen said she didn't want me looking like a gigolo at her wedding."

Benji snorted and Ethan pinched his side.

"Ow!"

"Not funny."

Benji bit his lip, "it's a little funny."

Ethan tried to give him a withering stare but it melted into a reluctant smile. 

"Heeey, you two look cosy!" Declan cried making Benji flinch. He felt Ethan squeeze his hip. The newly weds spun to their side, laughing.

"Ignore him, he's had too much champagne!" Zhen said, a dazed grin on her face. It look like both of them had.

"Well everybody kept making toasts," the groom countered, gazing at his wife adoringly.

Ethan smiled at them, "congratulations you guys."

"Thank you!" They both yelled and danced away like two petals on a breeze, light and full of life. 

"Do you remember when they got together? Everyone took bets on when they'd break up," Benji quirked his lip. "Look at them now."

Ethan was watching them, still smiling, "I didn't."

"What?"

"I didn't bet against them. I said they'd stay together."

"Why?" Benji asked curiously.

"I don't know... They got together after- when everything happened with Julia, so I guess I was," Ethan chuckled. "I was feeling sentimental."

Benji's thoughts turned to Julia and he began to sober to reality, beyond the soft pink lights. Ethan was straight and his best friend. Suddenly dancing like this felt painful- longing for a sad dream he couldn't have.

"That's sweet," Benji muttered, looking away.

As the song came to an end, Benji stepped back. Ethan's brow furrowed and his hands lingers on Benji's hips before falling away.

"Um, I'm parched I'm gonna grab a drink," Benji said, scratching the back of his neck.

"Oh, okay."

So he couldn't see what Ethan's expression was, Benji ducked away and sort out the bar for a reprieve.

When he got there he leaned on the counter with both hands, breathing measured breaths. He hated his feeling; a little sick, a little excited but guilty. He'd never want to burden Ethan with these... feelings but it got harder and harder when they just seemed to be pulled together constantly. And it was Ethan doing it half the time too. He'd take Benji to lunch, bring him tea or hang out with him at his desk, and after work. And dance with him at weddings.

Maybe he was lonely and needed a friend. But that just reignited the pain in his chest and Benji sighed deeply.

He ordered another pint and, when it came, turned to watch the dance floor. There in the drunken throng, he saw Luther and Ethan hugging. Or rather Luther holding Ethan an inch off the ground and Ethan laughing uproariously as he was swayed side to side. Luther was comically drunk and staggered, yelling something at Ethan cheerily.

Benji couldn't help smiling, watching them. They were his family and he loved them more than anything.


	2. Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Wedding of Ilsa Faust...

Ethan stood on the church steps watching the rain pour. There was no clear sky in sight. He sighed and pulled out the paper from his pocket, unfolding his best man speech. If anyone were to look over his shoulder, they'd see a mess of scrawled writing with crossings out and doodles. But there really was a coherent monologue in there somewhere. 

The heavy church door clanked open and Andrea, the maid of honour, stepped out. Her dress was some delicate floaty material in soft yellow that would have looked perfect on a sunny day. A braid of matching flowers were entwined her hair. 

"Best man!" She exclaimed, standing beside him and peering up at the clouds. "Oh, bloody fuck."

"Main of honour," Ethan replied in bemusement.

"The Bride is asking for you," Andrea said giving him a long suffering look.

"What now?" Ethan muttered.

Inside the church, guests milled around in the aisle and pews. He passed them by and went to the back of the church. Knocking on the door, he heard a muffled voice telling him to come in. 

Ilsa stood staring into the floor length mirror, her hands on her hips and gaze imperious. Ethan closed the door behind him and she turned, dress sweeping behind her dramatically.

"I was summoned?" 

"Yes! Ethan, I can't fix this damn braid," she grumbles, pointing to a loose bit just above her ear. "Andrea is bloody useless, help me will you."

Ethan grinned and picked up three hair-clips from the dresser, stepping to Ilsa's side. 

"You look beautiful," he said as he twisted the hair into place.

"It's not too bad is it," she replied smugly, sweeping a hand down her gown. 

The dress seemed to be made of small flowers that curled around her body to the floor in a cascade. They looked like daisies to Ethan, or white buttercups. It amused him that even covered in pretty flowers, Ilsa still looked lethal. 

"How are you feeling?"

"Better than her I expect."

Ethan hummed, "when I spoke to her she was trying to find breath mints."

"Oh God," Ilsa laughed, covering her face. "Stop!"

"Don't worry, Benji is looking after her."

"Good," Ilsa sniffed, running her pinkie over her cheekbone as if to correct a patch of her perfect make-up. 

"There we go," Ethan said, pocketing the spare hair-clip. Ilsa tilted her head from side to side and sighed in relief.

"Thank goodness, you're a Godsend, Ethan. Alright you're free to go, find your date!" Ilsa said waving a hand, shooing Ethan away.

He turned at the door and glared, "he's- he is not my date. We just came together."

"M'kay."

Ethan could see he wouldn't win this argument if he stayed, so he left with a huff. 

The church was a little cold but space heaters sat around, gathering guests close to them. It was supposed to be a delightful April wedding in the British countryside but this bought a whole new meaning to 'April Showers'.

Ethan joined Brandt and a couple of guests by a heater, making small talk. He tried to listen but his thoughts were elsewhere- as were his eyes: a quick scan of the group told him Benji really was with Jane in the back. Suddenly an image of Ilsa grinning smugly popped into his head and he grimaced. 

"Cold getting to you, dear?" the middle aged woman, with a hat like saucer, asked beside him. 

"Oh, no, I don't really feel the cold," Ethan answered politely. 

"No need to act tough, dear, we're all freezing our tits off," the aged grandmother next to her grumbled. Brandt hid his laughter by pretending to observe the floral decorations nearby. 

A little dumbstruck, Ethan opened and closed his mouth but was rescued by a hand taking his elbow. 

Benji smiled at him and at the others, "ladies. May I borrow Ethan from you?"

"Go ahead, darling."

Benji led him away, hand still on his arm, and Ethan was rather okay with it. He quickened his pace to keep up as they headed to the back of church. He realised Benji was in his suit now (they'd arrived in normal clothes and dressed there) and it was very nice; a sort of shiny turquoise with a shirt that matched, and a black tie and shoes. He couldn't remember when Benji started to dress so nicely, but he appreciated it a lot. 

"You look good," Ethan said as they stopped by the children's play area. 

"What? Oh, thanks... you do too," Benji said, looking Ethan up and down like he was seeing him for the first time- it was just a silver suit and white shirt but he thought it was tidy. So did Benji, judging by the way the tips of his ears were turning red and he adjusted his glasses nervously. "Anyway, Jane can't find her something borrowed."

Ethan raised his eyebrows, "her what?" He'd been to two weddings and one of them was his and Julia's in a hospital staff room. 

"Her something borrowed," Benji repeated impatiently. "You know; something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue."

"Oh, right... What am I meant to do about it?"

"Have you got anything? That she can borrow?" Benji asked. "She was ready to come at me with a curling iron when I suggested my socks, seriously, help me."

Ethan laughed and then patted his pockets thinking. 

"Oh, here," he reached for his wrist and undid his watch, handing it to Benji. It was a simple silver one with a cream face, Benji laid it in his palm. "It was my uncle's. Well, it was my father's but he gave to my uncle who gave it to me."

"Ethan, I don't want to- this is too precious," Benji said, touching the face like it was diamond.

"It's just a watch," Ethan replied, utterly endeared to the soft look on Benji's face. "She can use it if it'll help."

Benji sniffed and tucked it into his pocket, "well, thank you. I'd better get back."

Ethan stepped aside but caught Benji's arm.

"I mean it, you know, you look... good," he swallowed. "Really good." Benji glanced at his hand then at Ethan's face, looking a little shocked. He licked his lips.

"I'll see you when the ceremony starts," Benji said quietly, averting his gaze. Letting his hand fall away, Ethan watched Benji go with a twist in his gut. 

He had looked sad, and that was not what Ethan had intended. 

It hung about his thoughts as he took his seat at the front pew, in the family section. Neither Jane nor Ilsa had much family but they'd built one within their lives. Ilsa had specifically asked he be there, though, right at the front. Along with Luther and Benji, who appeared at the last moment; slipping onto the bench beside Ethan, and avoiding his eyes.

A minute later the music swelled and everyone stood.

Jane and Ilsa walked together down the aisle, arm in arm. They looked impeccable. In contrast to Ilsa's flowered dress, Jane's was silvery silk and hung like a ball gown. But the detail Ethan loved most was their veils. Jane's matched Ilsa's dress- netting hung with white flowers- while Ilsa's was a simple silver one to match Jane. It was a sweet and subtle expression of what they shared. 

At the top of the aisle Jane turned her gaze to Ethan and tilted her wrist, the watch slipping loosely yet somehow it worked perfectly. She winked and he gave her a thumbs up.

It was a quick, non-traditional ceremony from there on. They spoke tailored vows and most people were dabbing at their eyes by the end of Ilsa's. Through-out the whole thing Ethan's eyes were draw to Benji next to him. He'd let his thigh naturally settle against Benji's and he hadn't moved, which he hoped was a good sign.

Benji's eyes were watery, making the colour shimmer like ocean water in the sun. 

As Jane's vows were coming to an end, Benji blinked and a tear escaped. Quickly, he reached up and brushed it away and caught Ethan looking. 

He mouthed 'what?' and Ethan shook his head, smiling widely. Feeling impulsive, he slipped his hand from his lap, and took Benji's, squeezing it. He could feel the dampness where his tears were wiped away.

Ethan leaned in a little and whispered, "it's okay everyone cries at weddings." Benji blinked hard, a violent blush creeping up his neck.

"You're not," he muttered back, but didn't pull his hand free. 

The priest pronounced them married and everyone stood and cheered and applauded as they kissed. Benji's hand disappeared as he stood to clap and Ethan felt at a lose. 

Thankfully, Ilsa's relatives were hosting the rest of the event at their house; or rather mansion. Because many of the guests had flown over from America they were being put up in guest rooms overnight, so it meant everyone was free to get 'sloshed' as Mrs. Faust had put it. Of course, everything had to be moved inside because of the rain but there was room aplenty for the buffet and hall space for the DJ to set up. 

They ate and drank and made merry. Then it came for the 'first dance'. The soft tones of Donnie and Joe Emerson's 'Baby' came on and the newlyweds took the floor. Ethan watched with warmth in his heart as they embraced, moving slowly in a circle. Jane pressed her head to Ilsa's and they looked at each other like no one else in the room existed. 

Suddenly all he could think of was Julia. How much he missed it; knowing what someone was thinking, holding them. A lump formed in his throat and he gazed down at the drink in his hand. He'd had closure, reconciliation with their choice but he still felt an ache- missing feeling that kind of love. Or perhaps knowing he had felt it again for someone unrequited. 

More couples moved onto the dance floor and Ethan clenched his jaw and put down his glass. Maybe it was time to leave and get an early night. There were to many thoughts churning in his head, all in the shape of Julia and Benji and the thing tying those two feelings together. 

"Will you dance with me?"

Benji had appeared at his side with him noticing. His shoulder bumping Ethan's but his eyes were fixed on the dancers. 

"What?" Ethan managed. The his hand touched Ethan's elbow and moved down his forearm to take his hand, fingers interlocking.

"Dance with me," Benji breathed, finally meeting his eye. There was no question in them, it was Benji telling him what he needed.

"Okay," Ethan whispered a little dazedly, letting Benji guide him onto the floor. He couldn't take his eyes off Benji's solemn face as Benji wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him close, and took his other hand. But then Ethan couldn't move, suddenly overwhelmed and feet leaden. 

"It's not that bad," Benji whispered, breath ghosting over Ethan's cheek. "Just follow my lead."

He'd heard those words before and he closed his eyes, unable to stop the smile from appearing. He knew his cheeks were wet but he couldn't care. He pressed his forehead against Benji's neck and let him guide them around the room. It felt good. So good to let Benji take the lead.

"You were right," Benji murmured at some point. 

Ethan opened his eyes, moving to meet Benji's. "About what?" 

"Everyone does cry at weddings."

Ethan laughed quietly and dropped his head back on Benji's shoulder, unable to look him in the eye. It wasn't the wedding that was making him cry. It was Benji being there when he needed him. Just not quite how he wanted him. But he'd take it, for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ilsa is my lesbian mum and I wanted Jane to get a happy ending after everything she went through is ghost p
> 
> Their song (I think it's lovely and sweet): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONIJXHvoynw


	3. Can't Do Without You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bachelor parties never go well...

The crowded at the bar was three deep and Benji was desperate for a drink. It was the third club of the crawl and he had already sweated through his awful 'BACHELOR PARTY' tee. The bass in this place was rattling his spine and he felt incredibly old surrounded by students and young people on the lash. He stared tiredly at the pile of six lads in front of him yelling for the bartenders attention. As he thought longingly of his new box set back home, Luther emerged from his left, carrying a round tray over his head. Benji groaned and grabbed the closest shot from it, downing it.

"Oh, you're a bloody godsend. Bless your-" he swallowed as Luther raised his eyebrow in a 'I dare you' sort of way. "Ample frame, is what I was going to say."

Luther sorted, "yeah right. Lets find the others." 

They weaved their way around the dance floor to the booths at the back of the club and found their group. Everyone was in heated discussion when they got there. 

Brandt- His 'HUSBAND TO BE' sash torn and askew (why the poor girl was marrying him, Benji would never know)- slurred loudly, "I'm not saying it's-".

"No, it's dumb, Brandt," Ethan insisted. He'd sneakily worn an open button up over his tee and Benji hated him a little. 

"What's dumb?" Luther asked as he sat. Ethan moved over for Benji to fit on the end of his side of the booth. As Benji sat Ethan threw an arm behind him. 

"Will wants to pick a fight-" the Best Man, Kyle, began to say. 

"I wanna ask what he meant!" Brandt grouched, scooping up his shot as Luther handed them around. Ethan took his but didn't drink, watching Brandt studiously. Benji was never sure just how real Ethan's annoyance with Brandt was- if it was fond exasperation, or genuine. Either way it was fun to watch.

"-he wants to pick a fight with the bouncer who said... whatever about his sash." Kyle finished with a sigh. 

"He said he hoped 'she was worth it' what does that even mean?" Brandt said, making a face. Ethan looked at Benji who rolled his eyes. It shouldn't have made his heart jump to see Ethan smirk back, but it did.

"Just leave it out, Will, it's barely one in the morning," Kyle pleaded tiredly. "You don't want a black eye when you walk down the aisle, right? Diane would never forgive you."

"Listen to the Best Man, Brandt," Luther chimed. Brandt huffed and sat back in the booth, crossing his arms like a petulant child. 

"I thought this was MY Bachelor's," he grumbled, and then the argument was relaunched. 

Benji almost jumped when he felt Ethan's fingers touch his shoulder. Trying to keep his face calm he looked at Ethan, which turned out to be a big mistake. He was watching Benji in a calm and measured way, like he would if he were sizing up an opponent. But it wasn't strategy in his eye it was something heated and Benji had to quickly reach for the bottle and pour another shot. 

As the discussion continued the fingers stayed on his shoulder blade, tracing patterns in the cotton and leaving a blazing trail behind them. Everyone chatted and joked (and argued, ninety percent of conversations with Brandt were arguing) none the wiser, while Benji kept glancing at Ethan's neutral face. He knew after what happened at Ilsa and Jane's wedding things had changed, but in the ensuing weeks they'd never talked about. Maybe Benji was a little afraid of what Ethan would say. The hand of his back said a whole lot, though Benji wasn't sure what.

"Okay, c'mon," Brandt then said, slamming his shot glass upside down on the tabletop. "Let's take this to the dance floor."

Everyone groaned but all shuffled out of the booth, except Luther who, as designated driver/babysitting, couldn't be persuaded and headed to the smokey, crowded pit. Brandt and Kyle started yelling and jumping around each other like two frat boys half their age. Benji couldn't help laughing at them but it died in his throat when Ethan caught his wrist. He turned Benji where he stood, putting his other hand on his waist. 

"What're you doing?" Benji asked loudly hesitating to return the touch, filled with apprehension. 

"It's a tradition by now isn't it?" 

"W-what is?"

"You and me dancing at weddings," Ethan said into his ear. He started to move, guiding Benji to move with him by his hip. Benji gasped a little and hoped the music drowned it out.

"T-this is a bachelor party," Benji replied, hand hovering over where Ethan's rested. 

"They're not having a reception so..." Ethan shrugged. Then he took Benji's hand and guided it to the back of his neck. The smoke and the lights made Benji feel dizzy but this was worse- or better. For a minute he passively watched Ethan move them among the crowd to the music, fascinated by Ethan's face. Then he moved his fingers through the hair beneath them and felt a jolt through his spine. Suddenly feeling brave he ran his fingers up through the thick locks and took a hold, making Ethan look up. 

His eyes were wide, pupils almost consuming the hazel iris', and Benji was sure he'd never seen something so beautiful. The hands on his waist moved and Ethan hooked his fingers into the loops of Benji's jeans tugging him forward, hip to hip. It brought their foreheads together, nose bumping and Benji knew this time Ethan heard him utter 'Oh'.

The music was something repetitive and bone deep and Benji felt lost in it, lost in how Ethan made them move. He couldn't look into his eyes, he knew he'd drown, so he watched Ethan's lips instead. Smoke poured from overhead and a fresh euphoric yell erupted from the crowd and Benji put both his hands around Ethan's neck, stroking his hair. He felt more than heard Ethan make a noise and then their lips brushed and Benji's heart stopped.

Someone grabbed Benji's shoulder and he spun around.

"Brandt is tryna throw down with the bouncer!" Luther yelled to them. Benji looked at Ethan who seemed stunned too. But quickly shook it off and followed Luther outside. The cold burning Benji's lungs. 

There was a lot of yelling and arm waving already.

"Brandt! Brandt! Cut it out, man!" Luther called as they ran over. Brandt was nose to nose with the skinhead bouncer who was several inches taller than him. The bouncer looked utterly calm but also poised in anticipation of a fight. He didn't know just how dangerous Brandt could be, even wasted.

"C'mon bring it on, asshole," Brandt growled. 

"Get your man under control," the bouncer said to Kyle who was holding Brandt around the waist. 

"What? Ya scared?" Brandt goaded, lunging. The bouncer stepped smoothly away from his swipe as Ethan darted forward to help Kyle pull him back. 

Ethan pinned Brandt's arms to his side,"okay, nights over, Brandt." 

Brandt snarled and headbutted Ethan in the cheek. A whole group of people in the line yelled 'Ooooh!' as Ethan reeled backward. 

"Brandt, Jesus!" Benji cried. "You can't handle your liquor." He took Ethan's place holding Brandt and they managed to wrangle him down the street, Luther walking ahead to get the car. 

After five minutes Brandt calmed enough for Benji to let go and just have Kyle with a firm arm over his shoulder muttering 'he's not worth it, mate' over and over. Dropping back, Benji joined Ethan at the rear of their little parade.

"You okay?" He asked quietly. He couldn't see the damage in the dark but the noise alone had made him wince.

"Yeah, his aim sucked," Ethan replied humourlessly. They walked in silence listening to the quiet drunks a few feet ahead, silhouetted in the dark. Benji tucked his hands in his pockets, feeling the chill suddenly. Everything from the dance floor came rushing back up and suddenly Benji didn't know what to say. So he said nothing. 

In the car everyone was quiet as Luther drove them all to Benji's. They were staying at his flat because it was the only one with a spare bedroom. They'd be staying there next week too the night before the wedding- Brandt and Diane wanted to keep up the 'don't see the bride before the wedding' tradition, and Benji's place was closest to the venue.

Luther and Brandt sat in the front and Kyle, Benji and Ethan were squeezed in the back. Benji realised he was bouncing his leg and quickly stopped. 

"'M'sorry, Ethan," Brandt's quiet voice said from the front.

"What was that?" Luther prompted. 

"Sorry I hit you, Ethan. That wasn't cool," Brandt said more loudly. 

Next to Benji, Ethan shook his head with a half smile on his lips, "apology accept, Brandt."

Brandt sighed.

"I'm a bad drunk."

"Uh-oh, someone's moved from angry drunk to sad drunk," Luther said, everyone chuckled. "Definitely time for bed." 

The mood was lighter after that. When they piled through Benji's front door Brandt was sleepy but cheerful, Kyle like a haggard parent who's kid finally did something right, and Luther just seemed amused. Ethan looked happy but in the light Benji could see the cut on his cheekbone.

"Okay! Kyle, Brandt you get the spare room-," Benji pointed to the door nearest, "-Luther, Ethan you get my bed. I'll kip on the sofa."

"Benji we can't kick you outta your own bed!" Luther said.

"Course you can, you're my guests. Besides that sofa would ruin your back old man," Benji replied grinning. "Night everyone! Early start tomorrow, there's a wedding to plan, suits to be fitted." 

Kyle coaxed Brandt to the spare room, waving goodnight while Brandt slurred something close to 'bright'.

"Hm, fine. This once." Luther grunt. Ethan went to follow Luther to the room but Benji stopped him.

"Ah, wait. You-" he pointed at the cut cheek. "-Need to clean that up."

Ethan smiled, "it's barely a scratch, Benji."

"You want to look nice in the photos don't you?" Benji said with mock indigence and Ethan chuckled. 

"Alright. Lead the way."

Benji lead them to the bathroom where he took the first aid kit out from under the sink. Ethan sat down on the toilet seat with a long exhale. 

"Tired?" Benji asked as he looked through the box for the antiseptic wipes. 

Ethan sighed. "Mmm, aren't you?"

"Yeah. Felt like I was surrounded by toddlers the whole time in there," Benji chuckled. He tore open the packet and took out the wipe, stepping in front of Ethan. He turned his face up for Benji and barely winced when he dabbed at the cut. 

"Me too."

They lapsed into silence as Benji cleaned the cut (a little more thoroughly than necessary). He felt Ethan looking at him and tried to ignore it. But that became impossible when Ethan's hands rose to Benji's hips again.

"Ethan..." Benji breathed, frozen. 

"Is this okay, Benji?" Ethan asked, sounding breathless. He stood and Benji moved with him, still looking away. He suddenly had the terrifying thought this was all a drunken joke.

"It's okay with me if it's okay with you," Benji whispered, clutching the plastic between his hands against his chest. Ethan ducked his head to peer at Benji.

"What does that mean?" 

"This isn't just... you being drunk is it? It's not just wedding blues? Or-or some dumb hook up, because I'm not into that, Ethan, and-"

"Woah, Benji, woah!" Ethan chuckled, raising one hand to silence him. "No, Benji, you mean more to me than that. I've wanted to do this for a long time. And by 'this', I mean us. You and me together, if you'll have me." 

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

Ethan laughed, "'why?' Why what?"

"Why do you... like me?" Benji could feel himself blushing. Ethan stayed right in his space, not giving an inch.

"God, Benji, you don't even know. I like the way you talk, Benji, I could listen to you for hours. When I'm with you I feel good, my head is quiet. When I'm not with you all I think about is when I can be," Ethan said quietly, nose brushing against Benji's cheek. "And, well, it's just a bonus you're beautiful too."

Benji gave a bashful laugh but Ethan gazed at him with an intensity Benji wanted to shy away from and be consumed by at the same time.

"I like you too," Benji said. Ethan grinned then leaned in and kissed Benji.

A shudder ran through Benji and he sighed in relief, sinking into the soft kiss. Ethan brought their hips together and Benji gasped again. Then he remembered his hands between their chests. He dropped the antiseptic and wrapped his arms around Ethan's neck, deepening the kiss. It felt like his whole body was lighting up as Ethan licked into his mouth.

Benji tugged at Ethan's hair, tilting his head to find a better angle. It made Ethan moan into his mouth and he knew he'd have to do that again, he'd do it a hundred times just to hear that sound. He bit Ethan's lip and pulled again and Ethan whimpered, nails biting Benji's hips.

"Jesus, Benji," Ethan gasped, breaking the kiss. But Benji had take a sip at the well and he wanted more, chasing Ethan's mouth and Ethan obliged. He let Benji take what he wanted, kissing and biting however he liked. It was intoxicating to Benji, to have Ethan under his hands.

When neither of them could breath they pulled apart wetly, panting. Benji was sure he'd have red half moons on his hips tomorrow.

"The others..." Benji began, heart sinking.

"Yeah." 

Benji twisted a lock of hair around his finger and Ethan closed his eyes. "If they weren't-"

Ethan smirked, "I know. It's gonna be a busy week too I don't think we'll, ah, have the time..."

Benji could feel himself blushing violently and Ethan brush a thumb over Benji's cheek, grinning. He leaned in and kissed Benji softly on the corner of his mouth. Benji was sure he would melt any second. 

"After the wedding then," he breathed. Ethan drew back and gazed at him. "Stay the night."

"Yeah?" 

This time Benji kissed him, pouring all the feelings he couldn't say aloud into it and hoping he would understand. Judging by the wrecked looked upon Ethan's face we they broke apart, it'd worked. 

"Yeah," Ethan sighed in answer to his own question. Benji laughed and hugged Ethan to him, hiding his smile against his neck. Ethan squeezed him close. "I'd better go. Luther will be wondering where I am." 

With reluctance they stepped away from one and other and Benji's arms felt very empty. Ethan pressed his lips to Benji's jaw and murmured 'goodnight' through his kiss. When he left Benji felt giddy, lighter than he had in a long time. He contained his delighted chuckle, turning to the mirror over the sink to see his flushed reflection. He grinned at himself, lighting touching his kiss swollen lips.

-

They got home and they were barely through the door when Ethan started to undress Benji, untucking his shirt from behind while Benji fumbled for the keys.

"Ethan!" Benji laughed as his belt was unbuckled. He got the door open and they staggered inside, laughter following them. Benji turned and watched Ethan kick the door shut and come for him, a joyous hunger in his eyes. He'd shed his tie somewhere between the car and the door. He kissed Benji deeply and everything slowed for a moment. Benji reveled in the kiss, possessed by it. Then it turned more possessive, hard and biting, and Benji's body was on fire. He grabbed Ethan's lapels and spun him, pushing him backward to the bedroom. 

Pulling his already undone belt free of its loops, he threw it aside and watched Ethan back up and sit on the bed. 

"Take off your clothes," Benji said but he was already shedding his blazer. He paused to watch Ethan undress, it was a fantasy come to life. He unbuttoned his shirt and threw it aside, then slide free of his trousers and socks and shoes all in one go. Ethan sat back braced on his hands, looking at Benji expectantly. His body was gorgeous as always; scarred and tanned, but it was new for Benji to see it so openly without having to shy his gaze away. His eyes fell to the black boxers still clinging to Ethan's hips and he swallowed. 

Ethan cleared his throat politely, "I think it's your turn."

"Smug bastard," Benji retorted, throwing his tie at Ethan who laughed and caught it. An odd feeling of calm settled over him as he stooped and took off his shoes and socks. He'd been jittery since they'd got in the car and left the wedding- hell, he'd been jittery all bloody week- but now...

He threw his blazer aside too, and started unbuttoning his shirt. Halfway through he looked up and froze, met with the sight of Ethan with his hand in his boxers watching Benji intensely. The tip of his tongue sat at the corner of his lip, bitten between his teeth like he was trying not to make noise. Benji found himself again and undid his shirt, dropping it on the floor and walking forward in a trance. 

He climbed over Ethan kissing him fervently and pressing him into the mattress. Ethan gasped into his mouth and Benji bit at his tongue like he could swallow the sound. With one hand next to Ethan's head, he trailed the other down his arm to where it disappeared below the band of his boxers. He hooked two fingers beneath the material and pulled it over his fisted cock. 

"Let me," Benji murmured, gently prying the fingers free. When Benji took a hold of him, Ethan lay back with a desperate sound. Benji kissed Ethan's jaw as he stroked him, agonisingly slow. Ethan hooked his arm over Benji's shoulder for leverage, thrusting into Benji's grip. With his free hand Benji grabbed at Ethan's hair, pulling hard and exposing his throat. He bit at the soft skin as Ethan used his hand, utterly enthralled by the feeling of length sliding between his fingers and the look it was creating of Ethan's flushed face. 

It was sight Benji felt privileged to see, Ethan undone and desperate for release. Because of him. 

"Benji," Ethan keened, seeking Benji's lips and fucking his tongue into Benji's mouth in time to his thrusts. Benji tightened his grip, in Ethan's hair and around his cock, and he felt him tense. Now they were just breathing one and others air as Ethan took more stuttering thrusts and came against Benji's chest with a gasp. 

Benji watched him, amazed by the beautiful way his face became rapturous and he sighed. When Ethan opened his eyes he met Benji's and grinned drunkenly. Benji stroked his hair where he'd pulled it.

"You didn't hurt me," Ethan said, as if knowing what he was thinking. He always did. Benji kissed his cheek. With a content hum Ethan slide his hands down Benji's bare chest and Benji realised he was still in his trousers, straining at the zipper. He'd hardly felt how hard he was watching Ethan but now his whole body buzzed with the sensation.

"I-"

"My turn," Ethan breathed, tugging the zip down. Benji's breath stuttered as Ethan touched his wanting cock. 

Ethan kissed him wetly, "roll over." 

Benji went easily, Ethan following his motion and straddling his hips. With a frighteningly excited look on his face, Ethan moved down until he hovered over Benji's tented boxers. With his eyes locked on Benji's he pulled down the material, freeing him and making Benji whimper. Ethan took his cock by the base and slowly lapped at the tip and Benji cried out. Before he could full comprehend what was happening Ethan sucked him down into a wet velvet vacuum.

"Oh, wow-" Benji stammered as Ethan took him deeper and swallowed around him. He reached out and gripped Ethan's hair again as an anchor. Ethan groaned around him.

"I-I wonder," Benji gasped trying to form works as Ethan's tongue worked him over. "I wonder if I could, ah, make you come just touching your hair."

Ethan moaned again and Benji saw him reach passed his hip and start tugging at his half hard cock. Benji sat up on his elbow, massaging Ethan's scalp and breathing hard. He cautiously lifted his hips, thrusting into Ethan's mouth and the response was another noise of desperation./p>

"Jesus, Ethan, I had no idea-"

Then Ethan was coming again, his whole body shuddering. Benji pulled out of Ethan's mouth and came hard, gasping, and painting Ethan's cheek and neck. They both lay catching their breaths quietly until Ethan crawled up beside Benji on shaking arms.

"Sorry, I..." Benji croaked, blushing even harder when he saw Ethan's glistening face.

"It's okay." Ethan held up his equally slick palm by way of explanation. Benji couldn't stop himself from grabbing his wrist and licking it clean slowly up the palm and sucking each finger.

"Benji I don't think I can go a third time," Ethan growled.

"M'sorry," Benji managed, blood already rushing south again. He climbed over Ethan and licked at his checks and throat, tasting his own come. Ethan laughed stroked Benji's sides, closing his eyes and letting Benji indulge. 

"Sorry," Benji whispered again, licking his lips. "It's just you, you drive me crazy." 

Ethan smile was dazzling, "it's mutual, Benji." He palmed Benji's throbbing cock that was already filling out from Ethan's words. Benji closed his eyes and pushed against the offered hand. He heard Ethan murmur to him as he thrust into the tightening grip and he was achingly hard. He hid his face in Ethan's neck, on the verge of tears from the searing mixture of pleasure and pain.

"I love how you feel, Benji."

Benji sobbed.

"You are so gorgeous, Benji," He said against Benji's neck like he was trying to soak the words into his skin. With a harsh cry Benji came again on Ethan's stomach, dizzy with pleasure. Shivering, he fell to Ethan's side, half on top of him.

"Wow."

Ethan looked at him, face flushed and lips bruised, and smiled. Benji couldn't help the laughter than bubbled up, in a state of bliss and disbelief. Then Ethan laughed too and rolled to wrap Benji in a one armed hug as they did. The laughter died sleepily.

"So you're hair..." Benji said.

Ethan chuckled, "don't start." And buried his face against Benji's shoulder. Benji hummed and closed his eyes, already half asleep. He'd never felt so at ease. He fell asleep petting Ethan's hair and feeling Ethan's content sighed against his skin.

-

Dating Ethan Hunt was not what Benji had imagined- and he had imagined it a lot. What he usually pictured, when he got free time indulge in the fantasy, was a quiet relationship of Ethan being a stoic, serious boyfriend who Benji would have to nod at it the hallways at work and subtly hold hands with under the table at dinner in case someone they knew walked by. 

Of course, that was him drastically underestimating Ethan Hunt. Foolishly. 

The first morning after they decide, 'yes we are boyfriends although that seems like a ridiculous term for two men over fourty', Ethan came into work and went straight to Benji's desk. He put a travel mug of tea of the table, leaned over, and kissed Benji right on the lips. 

"Good morning," he said with a private smile that made Benji blush. Other people in the office were looking around, trying not to stare but how could they resist? It was Ethan Hunt kissing Benji Dunn. It was a week after Brandt's wedding and Benji was still reeling from the idea that he could even look at Ethan without the sensation of pining. But already there were secret smiles and knowing looks and Ethan perched on his desk wearing one of Benji's old t-shirts he'd had to borrow. 

"M-morning," Benji managed, still a little thrown. 

"I've got field training so I'll be late tonight, around six, if that's okay?" Ethan asked. He had stayed at Benji's every night since the wedding and Benji wondered if it was too early to clear out a draw for him. "I'll cook."

"You'll cook," Benji said dumbly and that made Ethan grin.

"See you later, Benji." 

With another gentle kiss on the cheek Ethan walked away, head held high. Benji just stared into space for a while after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song in the club: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BI2Et19vDCM
> 
> WELP! Sexy times ensue! I'm still so not used to writing this kinda thing so forgive me if the language is stilted... and sorry this too a while to add, having a tough time atm but it's here now!
> 
> all the sweet comments and kudos are so motivational thank yall so much <3 (im at https://noaminagata.tumblr.com/ if you want to hmu about these beautiful boys!)


	4. Ghost Towns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And then the funeral...

They lost people every year. It was simply part of the job but it didn't stop it from hurting. 

Ethan had been doing this a long time and had attended enough funerals to last him a life time. He couldn't cry anymore. He'd look around at the people and see them sob or stoically ignore the tears slipping down their cheeks but never felt his own. There was no point in crying for those he'd never see again. It felt cold but in another few months he'd be at another funeral, with different people. No, he saved his tears for the living. 

Benji sat next to him as they listened to the widow read a hymn at the front of the crowd. He had been staring at the coffin since they'd walked in. Ethan reached out and took his hand, entwining their fingers. He loved to hold the man's hand, watching him blush because of it. At times like this though it was to see the tension ease from Benji's shoulders just a little.

"You okay?" he leaned in and whispered. Benji glanced at him and nodded, a well crafted smile on his lips. Unconvinced, Ethan sat back and kept half an eye on him throughout the rest of the service. He felt Benjis callous fingers tighten against his knuckles as the last song came on. It was odd how they were calloused for different reasons- Ethan's from years of fighting and carry weapons, Benji's from his years at the keyboard. 

Ethan had found, one quiet night in bed, when he traced Benji's palm there were thin lines across his finger prints were he'd cut them against wires in Indian years ago. Ethan had a scar on his knee from the same trip. Battle scars from their shared journey. 

It was an agent Benji had been teamed up with a dozen times in the field- Ethan once or twice. Agent Reyes was someone braze, someone with that undying hopefulness Ethan wished he still had. 

Benji kept a tight hold of his hand, Ethan lifted it into his lap and Ethan his other hand over to cover their interlocked hands. He shifted closer. They'd been like this- connected at the hip, hand in hand- for a year and a half (not that Ethan was counting, though he most certainly was). It'd been so easy to fall into a relationship with Benji because hardly anything changed.

They still worked together and spent half their free time at Benji's house. They'd been each other emergency contacts since the Cobolt Mission. The only real changes were Ethan could kiss Benji's cheek at work in front of everyone to watch him blush and know Benji loved it. And the very good sex. And Ethan worried a little more but just as a someone would for the person they- 

Well, that was the crux of the matter. He still felt Benji's skittishness, his hesitation to fully commit to what they had and Ethan understood why. Julia. 

Benji had been there for all of it, saw everything they went through- everything Ethan had done to keep her safe. It ached to know Benji didn't see he would do the same for him in a heartbeat. He had almost killed himself- and Ilsa- trying to save Benji, almost drowned to keep him safe. But it had all been in the line of duty to Benji. 

Ethan loved him. Utterly and completely. Just as he had loved Julia. But he had been afraid to say it for so long. 

The service came to an end and attendees started to filter out of the chapel behind the family. Benji stood, still holding Ethan's hand, and they followed. It was autumn, and the rolling hills of white headstones where surrounded by golden and red leafed trees. The sun shone coldly, half hidden by hazy clouds. Ethan watched the sky behind his sunglasses as he waited for Benji to finish talking softly to a tearful widow to one side. He wondered how many of the white stones he knew and where his would go. Where Benji's...

"Hey," Benji's voice shook a little as he came back to Ethan but his eyes remained dry. "I don't think I... The wake is later but-"

Ethan circled his arm around Benji's waist and kissed his jaw. 

"We can go home," he whispered. Benji nodded thankfully and they walked to the car park together. He'd called Benji's place 'home' for a while now. It was the first placed he'd felt 'at home' in a long time. It was because Benji was there. And it was somewhere he had been taken in from his cold life of espionage, shown how to live again. Benji did that, showed him the sweeter things in life he'd forgotten- lay-ins, Netflix, long walks, good food. Ethan felt more alive than he had in years. 

Half his belongs were already there too- though he didn't have much in the first place. Benji had encouraged it eagerly, cleaning out draws and making space on shelves. It looked like a place two people who loved each other shared and Ethan hoped it was true.

Ethan dropped his keys in the dish and watched Benji ease out of his coat like his body ached. He came up behind him and took a hold of it, pulling it free from Benji's arms.

"Thanks," Benji sighed. 

"Go, sit down, I'll put the kettle on."

That was something else Ethan loved; Benji was very British when it came to tea. He would specially import his favourite brand and refused to buy an American made kettle ("You people can't make tea properly how am I supposed to trust you machinery?").

As the water boiled he sort Benji out in the living room. He was slumped on the sofa, staring at the televisions blank screen. For a moment he stood in the doorway and watched him, filled with sympathy. Benji was not nearly as hardened to these things as Ethan was. He was in no way soft- like the round face analyst he had first met a long time ago- but compared to Ethan he was still new to the field, to the cost. 

"How're you doing?" he asked, coming around the sofa and sitting on the coffee table in front of Benji. His tearful eyes settled on Ethan and he sighed. 

"It's not what you think." 

Ethan put his hand on Benji's knee,"what isn't, Benji?"

"I'm not sad. For him. I mean I am, of course, but in there... sitting and listening to people say goodbye, say how much they would miss him," Benji took a ragged breath. "All I could think of was you."

"What?" 

"One day that's going to be me standing there, reading a poem about you, next to a coffin with you in it. I don't know if I can do that," Benji shook his head. "I couldn't take losing you, Ethan, I think I'd rather die."

"Don't say that, Benji," Ethan sat forward, dragging Benji to him by his neck so he could lean his forehead against Benji's. "I'm not going anywhere."

"You don't know that," Benji replied weakly and now tears were slipping free.

"Oh, really? Benji, you know me. I'm too stubborn to let something like 'death' get in the way of being with you. Hell, an explosive vest and nuclear bomb couldn't stop me-" Benji chuckled brokenly. Ethan mustered his courage, knowing it was now or never. "- I love you, Benji."

Benji gazed at him, disbelievingly, but Ethan didn't let a trace of doubt enter his face though his heart beat in fear. Then Benji tilted his head and kissed Ethan, hands curling around the lapels of his blazer. 

"I love you too," Benji finally whispered. 

They sat like that for a while, smiling at each other and settling into this new chapter of their lives. Ethan's body hummed with anticipation, dispelled of doubt. There was a click from the kitchen as the kettle finished boiling. 

Ethan pecked the corner of his lips, "I'll make tea, you put something on the t.v."

"The new season of The Good Place has just started," Benji replied, smiling. 

"Oh God, fine, put it on," Ethan sighed in mock exasperation. 

As he made the tea he listened to Benji move around in the living room and the recap of last season start playing. When he joined him on the sofa, he handed him the mug and Benji scooting down to fit his head in the crook of Ethan's arm. 

This was the last piece of the puzzle Ethan had been trying to assemble for years, the one he thought he'd never finish. But it had been sat among the other pieces this whole time waiting for him to pick up and slot into place. He only wished he had found it much earlier. But now he saw the whole picture and it was this; him sat with the man he loved in his arms, with no inclination to move a muscle. It was just perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song for the funeral: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MUA9hoDa40
> 
> bit of an angsty last chapter my bad! though i ALMOST wrote it as Benji dying but I couldn't handle writing such a tragic ending so!  
> This was really fun to write i love these boys a lot wow! I hope you enjoyed! Find me at http://noaminagata.tumblr.com/

**Author's Note:**

> in case you were wondering the song playing when Benji and the bridesmaid dance is this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oLY0eUtVlXo
> 
> and when Benji and Ethan dance: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6Kspj3OO0s
> 
> more chapters to come! hope you enjoy


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